so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
