Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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