this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
