I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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