I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
