when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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