hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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