Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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