You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
