even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
