Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
