and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
