I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
