Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
