Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
