the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
