ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
