Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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