I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
