I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
