Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
