is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
