He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
