Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
