Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
