Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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