he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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