Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
