So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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