Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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