worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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