i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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