For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
not ubering you a puppy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
