Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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