Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
