Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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