you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
