dude i'm inner monologue high
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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