Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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