goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
