He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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