I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
