sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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