girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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