i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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