It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
