The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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