i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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