I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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