If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
